Lady Bird: Mother and Daughter, Nothing Else.
WHO IS LADY BIRD?
Lady Bird is an angsty seventeen year old girl, who's impatiently awaiting her graduation. When she’s not with her best friend Molly, breaking the strict rules of her catholic school, she spends her days daydreaming of the day where she moves out to the east coast to attend a liberal arts school. Though to her parents she’s known as only Christine, an ungrateful bothersome teenage girl. A daughter who asks for too much and doesn’t give enough gratitude. Lady Bird will do anything to get her mother to show her any form of acceptance. Marion will try everything in her power to prove she’s a good mother. The problem is: Marion doesn't know how to show it, the gentleness of motherhood, the one thing that could bring her and her Lady Bird together.
LADY BIRD’S NAME
Lady Bird giving herself her own name, not going by Christine, could be a way of claiming her own life—outside of her mother, an identity her mother had no part in. The only thing she asked from her parents was to respect it. When they call her “Lady Bird,'' they are respecting and accepting her. That's all Lady Bird wants to be accepted. Lady Bird even demanded her own mother to follow it in the beginning of the film. “CALL ME LADY BIRD LIKE YOU SAID YOU WOULD!” During the time where Lady Bird identified as Christine, she was Christine, her mother’s daughter. When she decided to give herself a new name that’s where she was playing the god of her own life. Then and only then Lady Bird was able to create a life all on her own. It’s a courageous act to separate yourself from your parents. Most children officially become their own person when they leave home. For Lady Bird this is different. She might’ve known that this would never be an option for her, so giving herself her own name was the only way she could. With this in mind, this could also be a reason for when Lady Bird goes off to college she says her name is Christine. Lady Bird is already her “own person” in college, she no longer needs to state the separation.
LADY BIRD’S NEEDS
I do deeply believe that Marion loves Lady Bird. The major problem we see in Lady Bird is that: a daughter wants a friend before a mother. But why can’t she be her daughter's best friend? Marion answers this question for us. From the opening of the film to the end, Marion and Lady Bird have many—many arguments. They can’t get along no matter how hard they both try. Marion says something wrong, Lady Bird will defend herself—which her mothers hates. Lady Bird will do something, with reasoning behind, and Marion will get upset. Marion is not her daughter's friend and their relationship doesn't go beyond that—and it probably never will for them. They have two very different personalities that prevent them from truly bonding (we see it most when they’re dress shopping).
MARION’S NEEDS
What makes a good mother? For Marion, it’s anything but being the mother she had to grow up with. Growing up with an abusive alcoholic mother, it is clear Marion didn't want to repeat the same behavior—but it's hard not to call out the harmful relationship Marion and Lady Bird have with each other. When Lady Bird doesn't want to be seen in her family's car or lies about where she lives, it upsets Marion. Marion doesn't want Lady Bird to feel ashamed of where she lives or the things she has. Lady Bird got to grow up with married, working, caring parents. Marion could’ve grown up ashamed of her home, her mother, or her life before her marriage and children. Lady Bird has had it “easier” than Marion.
The biggest problem with Marion and Lady Bird is their communication—with Marion mainly. Marion doesn't communicate anything kindly, “Do you know how much it costs to raise you?” Almost as if she is implying, “Look how much I love you, look at how much I work, look how much I spend on you everyday.” but she didn't say that, did she? All she did was hurt her daughter. Lady Bird will only take it as her mother blaming her for her own existence. A parent shouldn't ever blame a child for how expensive they are (when the parents are the ones who continued to have the child). This was not the first time this situation happens in Lady Bird. Marion has a habit of leading an argument to let Lady Bird know that she’s expensive. Truthfully they are a low income family, but to blame your children—is harmful. We notice that this is another one of Marion's defense moves, belittling her daughter. Marion makes Lady Bird feel like she’s unworthy to go to her dream school or getting a well paying job. Marion even tells her daughter that her path will lead her to prison. Instead of talking about the problem, to prevent a fight, Marion will hurt Lady Bird first. Marion could possibly speak cruelly to Lady Bird because that’s how she was spoken to grown up—although this doesn’t justify Marion actions. It just proves that one’s parents will affect the way they’ll treat their own children.
Marion tells Lady Bird, “You couldn’t get into those schools anyway,” when Lady Bird says she wants to go away for school. Marion never lets her daughter dream—dream of anything that could be close to unrealistic. We know that Marion is not living the life she thought she was going to have. Marion might've had other dreams and not living out those dreams disappointed her greatly. But what kind of mother wouldn't let her kids dream? No matter how many times life has let you down, shouldn't you want better for your children? Is Marion so terrified of who Lady Bird will become if she gets the chance to leave? It's hard to say if Marion is scared Lady Bird will make the same mistakes as her, or that she doesn't want Lady Bird to get to do the things she couldn't. That's up to interpretation, a mother’s love or mother’s betrayal.
MOTHER AND DAUGHTER
Near the ending of the film, on Lady Bird’s graduation, the secret of Lady Bird being wait-listed was exposed to Marion. As a result of this “betrayal” Marion gave her daughter the silent treatment. The silent treatment lasted for some time, a shocking amount of time to where she didn't speak to Lady Bird during her eighteenth birthday. The night before Lady Bird’s move, Marion wrote a letter to Lady Bird, which read all the things she wanted to say—but couldn’t. Although the letter was never directly given to Lady Bird by her mother (her father snuck them in Lady Bird’s luggage), the letters showed Lady Bird how much Marion loves her. It’s just terribly upsetting that she couldn't say it to Lady Bird’s face when she needed to hear it most.
“Dear Lady Bird, when I got pregnant with you, it was a miracle. I was older. I was almost forty two and we had Miguel and it seemed like it would never happen - and then you arrived. I loved you without knowing you, I loved you when you were just barely an idea; when you arrived at 7pm (after twelve hours of labor), I recognized you. I knew that you were my girl. Watching you grow up has been one of the most wonderful adventures of my life. You were always you. Stubborn and funny and loving and competitive and brilliant. I wish we could be friends and I don't know when it started to go off the tracks. I want to tell you I love you (...) “
“Dear Lady Bird, I am sorry that we fight and I’m sorry we are so hard on each other. I’ve been too hard on you. I love you and I don’t mean to be so at odds with you. I’m amazed by you. You are so smart and beautiful and funny and I don’t think that you know I think that. I think that you are extraordinary. Every time I look at you, I can’t believe you’re my daughter…”
All Lady Bird wants is a mother who is also a friend. She wants a mother who will be there to hold her hand along the rocky paths. Someone who will let her practice driving, to be by her side while she opens college acceptance letters, or get to talk about her crushes. The type of relationship Lady Bird wants from her mother, Marion never experienced. It can be hard for a parent to give a type of love to their child, when they’ve never experienced it themselves. Marion doesn’t know how to tell Lady Bird what she feels, and Lady Bird won't tell her mother either. They will look for each other everywhere–but wouldn’t say anything.
More from Marion’s letters to Lady Bird.
