A Daughter’s Mother
On Dezeray’s nineteenth birthday, she vividly remembers the warmth of her mothers arms. Even in a room surrounded by her entire family, her mother's hugs were what she needed that day. Dezeray’s mothers showered her with proud cries that followed reassurance. She had told Dezeray she was proud of everything her daughter had accomplished at her age. Everything that Dezeray's mother had gone through Dezeray didn't have to, and she was relieved by that. It’s no question Dezeray has had an easier life than her mother. Even if both of their lives differ from one another dramatically from employment, education, family and society.
After Dezeray’s graduation she went into a grave depression. This wave of depression led her into taking a break from school. She felt like she couldn’t handle another year of school. Especially the stress that comes with college courses. Dezeray’s only solution was to take a break from school all together. Dezeray’s parents, of course, supported their daughter's decision to take a gap year. If Dezeray agreed to work during her free time, she could take a break from school. Dezeray's Mother, Claudia, didn’t go to college immediately after high school. Claudia understood the pressure school has on young students. After Claudia graduated from high school she had shuffled through various jobs. Trying endlessly to find a job to earn some money. Though ultimately Claudia tied down a server position at her local bowling alley. Claudia enjoyed working at the bowling alley, she was paid well, she got along with her co-workers, and boss. She loved working at the bowling alley. Plus Claudia couldn't complain much, she needed a job to buy herself things her parents weren't able to buy. Dezeray’s mother wanted to be able to buy her own things just like any other teenager.
Living a teenager life on the other hand was hard for Dezeray. A nannying position, thankfully, fell into Dezeray arms. Though for Dezeray this job turned out to be even more draining than school. The pay was nothing for the amount of work she was doing daily. On the bright side of both Claudia and Dezeray’s jobs, both of them were content. Living a good stable life at the age of nineteen, and they didn't have much to pay- since they both lived at home.
Dezeray’s mother didn't decide to go to college until she was twenty-one and her child, Dezeray, was old enough to not need her mother every minute of the day. Claudia has always had love for beauty, make-up, nails, etc. She loved ultra-femininity so much she made it her whole identity. That’s where she found cosmetology- and she desperately wanted to make a career out of it. Claudia took her studies very seriously. This time was indeed very stressful for her; she was balancing her marriage, being a mother, and going to school.
Dezeray was very worried college would be too much for her to handle. She told her parents that she was extremely hesitant about starting college. The toll it would take on her scared Dezeray too much to even think about it. Turned out these were only just Dezeray’s fears. For Dezeray, freshman year of college is the best school year she had ever experienced. During her depressing gap year she discovered a love for media- Films, TV, Literature. She especially really liked talking about them to everyone, even the people who really didn't want to hear about it. Unfortunately, Dezeray had no one near her that could relate to that same love she felt, so she wrote about it. The only way Dezeray figured she could state her understanding and love for various media, without having to corrupt others' peace, was by writing it all down. Dezeray wrote long essays about all the media she likes. Quickly she discovered an untamable desire to make this her career. When Dezeray was ready to go back to school she knew what she was going to major in immediately. Dezeray was very thankful for her parents' patience while she was deciding what she wanted to do with her life.
Unlike her mother, Claudia who had two emotionally unavailable parents. Claudia's mother was a caretaker and her father was a teacher. They weren’t home often but provided what they needed to for their kids. They didn't give their children anything more than that. Nothing that their children might have craved from their parents. There were three little girls, in a small house, who only had each other during this time of their lives. By the time Claudia was nineteen she was working a shift at the bowling alley, and a man came in to play his daily game at lane 25. He came up to her and asked her for a drink. Claudia and Dezeray’s father dated for two months. Then when Claudia found out she was pregnant, they eloped quickly.
Dezeray’s parents have now been married for twenty years. Dezeray’s mother is a licensed cosmetologist and her father works as a OTR driver. Having three children, basically growing up together, and only having each other, Dezeray’s parents raised their children in a way their parents couldn’t. Their three daughters have been taught the love a family should have. They've been provided everything they have ever wanted and more.
Growing up with an emotionally absent father, who needed to prove his own worth by doing the bare minimum for his own children, got his daughter a car. Claudia loved this car more than anything she'd ever loved at the age of nineteen. She was given a baby blue Toyota camry. Claudia's car resembled for her, not a father's love, but a taste of adulthood she desperately wanted. During the time gas was $1.00 (CreditDonkey), a teenage girl could come and go as she pleased. Headed anywhere Laredo, Texas would take her. While Dezeray grew up with a lot of fears about driving. The farthest she got certified to drive is with a permit. Dezeray is still too terrified to go beyond that.
Being a nineteen year old girl during 2001, might’ve been a great time for a teenager consuming pop culture. Claudia and her walkman, always within reaching distance, constantly playing her heavy metal, rap, and r&b CDs. Now with her own money she was able to go to the theater to watch any, now classic, comedy movies. Claudia’s favorite comedy was Blue Streak, starring Martin Lawrence, she would constantly rewatch it for a laugh. Dezeray’s mother loved comedy so much, she'd watch anything that would make her laugh. Watching series like The Simpsons, Married with Children, Will & Grace, and Beavis and Butthead. These series were there to comfort Claudia during her hardships. As a teenager during the 2000’s one constantly sees faces like Alicia Keys, Madonna, all of the Charlie’s Angels ladies- like Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, and Cameron Diaz (InStyle). At several events celebrities were starting the trends for years to come, the birth of “Y2K” fashion. These fashion trends would be back for Dezeray’s generation. Claudia’s pregnancy corrupted her during a time when a teenager should technically be celebrating their independence. She was not able to indulge the party scene in the 2000’s. Instead, Claudia was at home making her own jewelry, reading her romance novels, and shuffling through her CD booklet.
Being a nineteen year old growing up in 2022 is very different from her mothers. Dezeray shuffles on her Spotify a lot of indie pop, pop, and rock albums. At the prime time of twitter, Dezeray constantly opens the app to see faces like Elon Musk, Kanye West, or Joe Biden. The media lover watches all the new releases in theaters, only to write reviews on them on her blog, or anything she can watch at her favorite place. Not having many friends, or anywhere else to go but her job, she stays home a lot. She spends her time reading books, rewatching The Rocky Horror Picture Show or Hannibal (2015) for the thirtieth time, knitting sweaters, and writing in her blog. Although, she rather just spend all her free time with her mother.
Dezeray’s mother has no regrets about her life. It’s her life and she would do it all over again if she had to. Claudia is simply happy that Dezeray didn't have to go through the same hardships she did growing up. Dezeray grew up with two supportive parents, no pressure on money, patience with starting school, or no rushing growing up. Everything she wanted from her parents she, without question, gave to her children.
