such a buzz

I’m a childish idiot when it comes to talking to you. I get lost reliving every act I did that could have raised this tension. You keep looking at me but no words have left your lips. All I can read is the curious arch of your eyebrows, what is not being said?

Every part of me wishes we continue to avoid this thing we've been dreading to talk about. I should’ve known and kept my distance, but simply I am not in control of the feelings that exist outside of me. I know about this from my part, still maybe you also know about the sense that lingers nearby, the sense that compels us to occupy our hands with something unspoken. 

I should not be thinking about this, about you, like that. I should have known it could grow into something devoting. You meet my eyes, and I believe that this will be the moment you’ll let go. This is the last time I could get lost in thought on what you meant when you said, we were also compatible. 

What was so bad you couldn’t say while looking at me? You laid on my bed and that gave me approval to do the same. The words were stubborn. They didn’t want to leave your mouth, like a curse word during a holy day. You told me how you’ve missed me and placed your head next to mine.

You've been the buzz I hear in my head and feel all over my chest. I want to love you until my last breath. I want to fluff your pillow until we are dust. I want to tell you what to do with your hair. I want to feel your hand clutching my jacket for support. I knew the answer. There was nothing else you needed to say. Today is the day.